Military Smile

Subject: Military Smile

Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight.
After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice, "Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons."

After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight lipped smile, "Admiral, United States Coast Guard, retired. Married, two sons, both judges."

After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce himself. He proclaims, "Master Chief, United States Navy, retired.
Never married, two sons . . . both admirals."


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During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel.

"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.

"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."

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Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said in! to the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"

"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."

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Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "Sure, buddy."

Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!

Officer: "Do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "No, SIR!"

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Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.

Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.

Q: What's the difference ! between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.

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An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.

The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"

The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on me.
My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

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"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and pee on my grave."

"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy,! I'm never going to stand in line again!"

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The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. At French customs, he fumbled for his passport. "You 'ave been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically. The old gent admitted that he had been to France previously. "Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for inspection."

The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. You Americans alwayz 'ave to show your passports on arrival in France!"

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, "Well, when I came ashore at Omah

Thanks,
webmaster@wiredawg.net

Definitley put a smile on my face!

just one more to add to your collection.
a navy admiral, marine general, and an air force general are walking around the pentagon, arguing over who has the best enlisted force. the admiral boasts "the navy has the best enlisted force of all." he then calls out to a seaman standing close by. the seaman runs up, whips out a salute and says "yes admiral, sir."
"boy, fetch me some coffee!" says the admiral. the seaman runs off and in a few minutes comes back with a piping hot cup of coffee.
"here you are, sir. hot coffee, two scoops of sugar and a smidge of creamer."
not wanting to be outdone the marine general snaps his fingers and out of nowhere a private comes up snaps to attention, salutes and belts out a reporting statement.
"cup o' joe on the double, private!" orders the general. the young man darts off and quickly comes back with a cup and after handing it to the general, salutes and disappears.
the air force general, thinking he can top all this yells to an airman standing by a soda machine.
the airman, with his hands in his pockets, saunters over and says"whatcha want?"
"airman get me some coffee!" commands the gerneral.
the airman shrugs his shoulders, looks at the general and without a second thought says " your legs dont look broken, get your own damn coffee!"